Difference

[shiina]

CRITIQUE:: Go for it haha

Whats the difference in light and dark?
And what's to learn from shooting stars?
Days and nights can get off track,
Only seen in white and black.

Where's the change from night to noon?
When daylight comes, but far too soon.
Blink your eyes and see the light,
Blink again, there's only night.

What's the difference in love and hate?
You love to hate, but love can wait.
You hurt the person that you love,
And instead of pull, you always shove.

Where's the change from near to far?
Wishing on a far off star,
When right behind's your wish come true,
Just waiting to be found by you.

[xunpredictablel]

As always, I love your rhymes, and the way you word things and put your ideas to paper is interesting and very very unique .

However , I didn't like the repetition of "night" in the second stanza , or the repetition of "love" and "hate" in the third - it's confusing , and I feel like even you could get a bit fumbled reading it.

Otherwise it's a great poem , and an interesting idea, kind of a bittersweet taste of life in general , but more particularly a single person, I suppose .

[shiina]

I like to try to befuddle people sometimes but I tend to go overboard often. I didn't even notice the repetition of the word 'night,' I'm going to edit that, now that I noticed it, it leaves a sour taste in my mouth.