10.11.09

[xunpredictablel]

|TITLE| 10.11.09
|RATING| pg13
|THEME| -
|NOTES| just wrote it moments ago


you thought you were older than this as you stumble across the room of integrity only to fall.
you thought you were better than this but you cross the floor of commitment and fly out the window from its sinewy grasp.
you thought you could handle this , but you're an idealist - a lover - a dreamer -
and the clouds are too comfortable to compare to the ground .

your arms always did dance to those silly love tunes as you danced out of lives -
your hands always flew to your face in a fluster as whispered i love yous were thrown around .
you like to say it , you like to lead yourself to believe it -
but there are so many secrets that you can't hide for too long - so run .
your feet are callused from rocks , thorns on the ground of comfort . tears are ripped from your face as you stumble to the ground and your knees are rubbed raw .
you thought it would be easy .

the songs always whispered like everything was okay , like everyone was love and everything was will to fight .
but you didn't believe them anymore the first night of dark black that fell into you . you didn't believe them anymore after he left you .
after he dated her after a week , you didn't believe the pretty lies they dream in their song.
your hands flew to your face in a fluster as whispered depressions were thrown around .
innocent pretty girl , don't you wish you could stay so naive ? who said it was such a bad trait ?

your name is lost in the falling of the world , you were an idealist but people stomped on the thought , on the prayers you had to a greater good for a greater cause. you wished for the lives of many to be fulfilled and lived , you pushed for the health of the heartless . you prayed for fight in the weak. you prayed for calluses for the strong .

you were such a lovely girl , with blonde hair and light features to signify your innocence , white - the light of the world but you've failed that haven't you ? you've failed that in all your lost hope and all your lost innocence due to the things - the things that young people cannot escape.

what is your name now ? it cannot be so - because that was the name of an angel and you've taken her wings and thrown them apart - ripping them into submission .
there's hope in you yet , but no one can discover that for you .
there's a light in you yet , but you have to forgive yourself like everyone else so willingly does .

the expectations of an angel leads to the finality of death . because angels are only so in heaven - aren't they ?

and broken angels with ripped up wings aren't so appealing .

perfection is the only way you'll be .

doesn't that get sickening ?

lift yourself off the sky, baby girl . join the world , we're waiting here with open hands. hold them tight and join the circle of life.
we're imperfect, but God revels in our imperfection.
and who said imperfection was a bad trait?

your hands fly to your face as whispered promises were thrown around .
there's hope in you yet .

[Alicia's Ghost]

I'm not going to lie -- this one didn't impact me as much as some of your other work. The use of the you has always been an interesting way of drawing the reader in, and when it really does relate well to their lives, it's a spectacular roller coaster -- but this one left me right on the edges of plunging into the water. I felt like I was tip toeing -- or more accurately watching as hooks ineffectually dug into my clothes to haul me forward. Failing, but still interesting to see. I can't really describe the way the poem flew over my tongue -- it felt foreign to me, and it's probably my own self-loathing that just sours the lightheartedness of the poem.

The repetition of "your hands fly to your face as whispered promises were thrown around" was effective though, as it was marginally changed at the end every time you used it -- bringing the force of what you were saying, while introducing a new thing. Still, it reminded me of flowers and vanilla, and while it was a great poem, able to stand on it's own two feet and shake it's hands at the world, I, personally (who's mind is now full of doom and gloom), couldn't grasp in my heart what you were saying.

For the most part, I think I understood it, and for sure the moment I read "Baby girl" I felt a tug in my gut, but it's full meaning, I think, is lost on me.

Still, if it required a rating it would easily score a 8- 8.5 out of ten. ^^

[xunpredictablel]

thanks for all that . I know , it was rough writing it, like I kept getting caught on jagged edges of a cliff of trying to write out my feelings. It was a strange poem , for sure, and a little iffy for me. I'm amazed you caught that. It really shows how much you've read and written.

[Alicia's Ghost]

I've always had a fascination with words, and the choices people make when they write them down. It's more than just diction to me, it's like the soul is scrambling around using scrabble pieces to figure out how to communicate to the body. The slightest alteration in a word can alter the entire poem, and it's something I think I catch on instinctively at this point. I'm not trying to fluff my own ego in this, but to me, I felt as if this was almost a failed experiment (I hope you don't take that too badly) as if you tried to do something but were afraid last minute of plunging all the way through to analyze your emotion and instead tried to alter what you were writing.

It has room for improvement, but for what it is -- a small marginal step toward a deeper, inner truth, it reflects quite brutally what you need to do.

In fact, it encouraged me to start writing to work out my feelings and the poem that's slowly, and inevitably working its way out of my soul is a little strange, too. ^^

[xunpredictablel]

Oh, no , I don't at all mind that you said it was a failed experiment. That is, after all, what words are - experiments. That's a nice new way to look at it. Plus, it's kind of inspired me to write another poem, if I can get some words together in my head .

I kind of want to be blatant in a poem, just once. You know ? I'm kind of scared to , because I'm scared it would be shallow and and dreadful. Hmm, I want to try it anyway. Let's see, yeah ?