Untitled.

[xunpredictablel]

|TITLE| Untitled.
|RATING| PG13
|THEME| Angst-
|NOTES| Most of my poems are untitled. And I really struggled to choose which poem to put up at first. I also apologize for the attack of the dashes, it's how I write. It's kind of a way to drag it onto the next line.

broken- glass leaves scattered in the wind, with your hands crumbling in the shards.
liquid leaking but it's blue-cold-fading and your skin pales.
air whipping your face as the trees around you roar with silenced stories of a thousand years.
inhuman- eyes bright white- balded head with proportions skewed-

hips aching from the pressure, leaking like your hands- you're fading into white- or fading into dark-
clocks keep ticking- world keeps spinning- life will not pause for you.
but his dark features will- they turn to stone when you're begging- crawling on your knees.
his hands hold fast against your skin- closing the rivets, patching your losing flesh-
*it's useless to fight* she screams- i'm falling apart faster than you love.
you can't patch the broken sky with lies- you can't heal pale flesh with darkness- your hands can't fail if they are crushing against me -

force me better?
this is senseless -

[Alicia's Ghost]

I honestly don't know what to say to this -- it was mind blowing. Every time I read a poem for the first time, I read it aloud, but with every word I could almost feel my pupils getting larger and larger. You are so talented -- and I could almost feel the futility in each line, the drawn out, dry amusement at this ridiculous desperation to patch together what was going to fall from the very beginning.

The thing I got most from the poem was it's sheer inevitability. As if, before it even started I knew that regardless, it would remain broken, would only crumble at the top and continue onward and onward. At the first word of the poem, "broken -" I felt I knew, like a stone that dropped into my stomach and twisted everything inside out.

With the second person point of view it felt more personal than if it had been written in third or first, and it was tactfully done -- when I read "hips aching from the pressure" I could imagine the inaudible creaking sound only you can hear when your bones are pushed too tightly together after a long day of stress. When I read, "patching your losing flesh-" I imagined the desperation that comes with trying to fight the inevitable. Building that sand castle as fast and sturdy as you can even as the crashing waves lap at your feet and sink in the bottom foundation. It was a losing battle, but there was still that stupid hope, that maybe that hovered just out reach --- until the last line. It was poignant and just perfectly blunt, "Force me better? this is senseless-" -- it carried through to my heart and pierced through the hope.

Yeah, try to force me better, but I know the outcome, and so should you --- that's the voice I heard echoing through the lines when the poem settled into silence. It was beautifully written, and I'm very impressed.

[xunpredictablel]

Oh, my, that is definitely the kind of depth in a response I've been craving for my entire writing career. I try to get that kind of response out of everyone who reads it, but they don't understand what I want out of it and you just hit the nail on the head, perfectly. Oh, this is definitely a pick-me-up. I have soooo many poems I would love to share and this was an incredible push towards making me want to put them up here.

Thank you so much for everything you said, your words are like a poem, even when it's just in paragraph form. I'm utterly blown away by how perfectly you described what I felt when I wrote this. You also use such incredibly analogies to my words. I knew joining this site was a fantastic idea, but wow, I didn't know how amazing of an idea it would be.

I definitely know that this site will do wonders for my writing, I can already tell. Thank you so much, I am so excited to put some more stuff up !
<3

[shiina]

Wow, the depth in that poem drowned me. It was amazing. I'm not the best with words, that's why I write, so all I can say is... wow. Just wow. Reading it was like diving into water, and as I read it I felt as if I was being pulled further and further under. It was captivating.

[xunpredictablel]

Oh, thank you. That is one of the fantastic things about my poems : you will always be kind of lost in the depth. I tend to do this to have people relate it to their lives, because I feel as though that is why poetry exists. It's a type of therapy - in a sense.

Thank you for saying it was captivating. That made me very very pleased.