The Cloud; Grey and Listless, I Roam

[xunpredictablel]

|Title| The Cloud; Grey and Listless, I Roam.
|Rating| PG

A cloud lingers behind me.
Grey, intimidating, listless.
It fumbles and stumbles through the air
Yet never does it dissipate.

My fingers grasp the tendrils of it, pulling, crying desperately as I fall to my knees.
I whisper a little prayer for strength and my voice
glows in the air before the words fade.

A cloud lingers behind me.
It pushes me along, my wrists tied to its cushion.
I have no choice but to witness this desperation as the cloud pulls me.
Yet my feet never blister.

My fingers grasp the tendrils of my summoning.
I stumble. My breath catches
And as I let it out, I am aware of my own doing.
"I sold myself into slavery" and it glowers in the air before the thoughts fade.

[Alicia's Ghost]

I'm not sure if I understand the poem at it's essence. I've read it several times, and I can't make up my mind whether it feels as if the cloud is a person, a decision, a fear, or just a manifestation of restlessness.

What is obvious, though, is the futility, and you've captured that rather well, with the constant lingering of the cloud at your back. However, some food for thought, if you're interested: clouds have always held an ominous image. With their existence, the grey and dreary come to the life, the dark becomes ever darker, the rains and the winds come to bring the fears to spit at your windows. It's a theme everyone has adopted, this feral fury that comes with ominous approach of the grey, ugly storm cloud. It is, I think, the reason the idea of the cloud as your slaver came to you.

Personally, I've found clouds to be the end of the bad. It is the clouds which come before the storms, which warn you of the end of your misery. They linger outside your window, a heralding cry of a storm that'll whiplash your fears and make the very earth shudder from it's stroke of thunder and lightning. The fury, is a healing, in my opinion. It's the fresh, defiant anger in a heart that has been laid low by misery, by defeatism. It fires you up, awakens in your soul the very feral animal that I religiously believe exists in everyone's soul. We can crumble, and fall, or rise. It's the clouds which are the symbol of this coming, the harbingers of this forked road. Those that give in to the sorrow, crowd back from the storm, from the fear of living despite the pain, of rising up against the misery, don't ever rise again; they remain as if crippled, living life that isn't life at all, but a mimicry of the chances they had once taken. Those that do, may fall again, but they always have the chance to rise, always have the chance to beat away the badness and seek out the glory.

You're probably wondering why I'm rambling on about this, and I realize this was awkwardly phrased, but the intention was good, even if the application was clumsy. I guess I'm trying to tell you that the use of the cloud in the poem is a dual thing. Whether it was a subconscious pull of the soul to use this very thing to be your slaver, or you chose it logically, there is always two faces that come with the expression of these thoughts. You are enslaved by the very path you are walking, touched by the grey cloud which lingers behind you, pushing you forward when you would not. Perhaps it means misery follows in your wake. Or perhaps, just perhaps, it means this chapter in your life is coming to a close. Maybe the fires of the storm will come to rake across your windows, maybe, it will force you to choose, opening your old wounds to bleed freely. It may offer, through the stumbling, the reaching, the grabbing, the chance to live again as you had once lived. It may offer, instead of the slavery, the release of these bonds you've found yourself in. From my eyes, this poem tells me that things may be changing in your life soon, and that though you, yourself may not be able to see it, your soul feels it, is aware of it at a subconscious level. It recognizes the cloud for what it is: ambiguity.

What can it do for you? What will it offer? The Slaver drives his slaves hard, but eventually, he must sell them. Maybe then, you'll be able to escape and wriggle free.

[xunpredictablel]

This is why I enjoy this site so. I'll tell you why I wrote the poem. Of course you know, me and my boyfriend have a relationship that is perhaps too mature for us to handle. Being the children we truly are, we give into temptation without thinking twice about it. This brings along worry - me, praying for a certain time of the month to come quick.

When I wrote this, I was dreadfully late. Nearly a month, actually, and I was collapsing with stress. I wrote it as a worried teenager, fearing for her possibly forever changed life. I was struggling with the thought that it would perhaps be the greatest gift, the worst curse, or both. I was still thoroughly convinced emotionally that I was okay, and that my god would not force such a thing upon me when I was so unready. However, logically the pieces were put together and I was worried that I was, in fact, pregnant when I was in no way ready to be.

So, the fact that you found the cloud as ambiguity is intriguing. I did, in fact, start my period not too long after and was ecstatic with the relief. It did, actually, bring an end to my suffering, and taught me a damn good lesson along the way. I think it's fantastic that you realized what this poem could be about, I think it's fantastic that I wrote it, subconsciously knowing that either way, my life was changed forever. I realize now that I was, in fact, a slave to the temptations that arose when I was with my boyfriend, and that it could bring some things along that I was in no way ready for. The cloud that was my worry, my dark, raining regret and thick anxiety in my chest - it was also my savior, setting me possibly free from my reckless giving into temptations. It's taught me a lot - how to be much more mature about these things, and to revel in my time as a child, to not have to jump into these things just to feel love.

Wow, sorry to spill my life story on here, but you're constantly worried about me and I figured you deserved an explanation.

Being the open person that I am, I don't mind other people reading it, either. xD

Wow. I love it when things just come to me like this.

[Alicia's Ghost]

Hmm.Unfortunately I do know what that is like, though for every woman, it's probably very different. I always thought it was ironic how those that want to have children badly are the ones who have problems conceiving, while those that don't... have these sorts of episodes. I try to be careful, myself, even though I am on the pill, and sometimes use condoms, but that sort of stressful waiting really grates on the nerves.

I didn't get my period for four months once. You can imagine how frightened I was, and yet... I was adamant that it wasn't a possibility.

Anyway, you don't need to read about that.

Children you two might be, but you are mature enough to understand the consequences, now, at least. The ability to be able to grow from past fears, instead of succumbing to them, can be reflected in your poem too, now that I know the circumstances and duress it was written under.

Not only was change coming, and fiercely, there was the ability to confront that lingering fear, not just the regret. Could you grow? Apparently you did. Very cool. ^^