Spoiled pheromones - -

[xunpredictablel]

|Title| Untitled.
|Rating| PG13


you're like a liquid falling down,
dripping down my throat.
i can't stomach your spit, can't
sniff your pheromone.
you reach out and you touch me,
but your fingers feel like acid-
and you reach out to feel me ,
but my skin feels like plastic.

is it what i deserve, such is questionable.
but do i really deserve to be so miserable?
i love you so much, but is it really that?
is it really you who sneaks into my heart ; pitter pat?
like the rain - like the rain that whispers me to sleep
silent little lullabies just mumbling to me.

so, so many plans just leaking out like sap -
cause even the strongest trees can fall like that.
so many little questions cracking down my boundaries
my stone-cold , antacid tendencies.
dreamy, dreaming,- white sheet over everything like a ghost.
you're like a parasite, like a overwhelm of a host.
i used to not be scared of you, but now you terrify me.
i used to not be afraid of you, but now you horrify me.

your test, your tests they plague me - with rotten apples
tumbling from your throat. -
and you expect me to eat them, to swallow and hold down
acid from my stomach, burn, burn, burn
down my boat - cause you know the water would be the perfect
place to die.
i'm not scared, cause the water's my superficial lover, gentle with the
suffocation, with my
begging little wonderings to swim around without aim - to swim around
for pleasure, for pain.
but you turn the water crimson, don't you? cause i can't have one thing
unspoiled.
but you turn the water poison, seeping through my pores to tear up my
insides and tear up my
soul.

[Panda]

I really enjoyed this poem. Well, not in the normal sort of way. The purpose of a poem is, as I am sure you know, to convey an emotion or thought in a pleasing, or interesting, way. You certainty fill that description, but your poem did not make me happy and want to cuddle it. But that’s the point. Your poems are usually on the heavy side, but this one is more so than all the others I have read -cough-allofthem-cough-. And even though it put me in a depressed mood for a little while after reading it, I am very glad I read it. SOOOOOO!!! This poem deserves as long a comment as I can muster! -Don’t expect to much -

You start of right from the beginning with the topic of not being able to take his lust, but in this poem you use 'pheromones'. It occurred to me that the title and the first four lines alone mean so much. The title 'spoiled pheromones' suggests that his lust is all too often indulged by you. But in this case, it suggests that it is also your lust for him that is a problem, because his pheromone would be attracting you. In the first little nugget, you say how you can’t smell his pheromone. Now this could be because you are afraid you will give in, or because you associate it with his lust, and want nothing to do with it. It could also be something i am completely missing, but that’s half the fun.

In line nine, you seem to give into a bit of low self esteem, saying that you feel you deserve things like this, or at least some of it, but then for the rest of that segment you just keep saying to yourself ‘this is not how it was supposed to be’. Your despair of the situation hit me very hard when I read it. After that there were two things that really caught my attention. The first being how you called him a parasite that is overwhelming you. This is the most blunt way of saying that he is sucking you dry, and you are getting nothing in return I have ever seen.
The next thing was so overwhelming I believe it really made the poem great. It begins with “i'm not scared, cause the water's my superficial lover, gentle with the/ suffocation…” You say how you would love to be in a situation where you have a peaceful, passive ‘death’. How you want to just swim around and left to your own. But he isn’t going to let you have that. He is not going to let you just slip away peacefully. “cause i can't have one thing/unspoiled.” It is just so moving. It is like a line strait from ‘The Tempest’ “He jumped off the boat screaming ‘hell is empty, and all the devils are here!’” You would rather jump, wouldn’t you Caitlyn, than be on a sinking boat with him. Metaphorical of course.

I give this a big two thumbs up! Now if only you wrote one that was as happy, as this one was sad. BUT GREAT JOB! And I know this wasn’t that long but…meh.