GAHHH.

[xunpredictablel]

criticism : i don't think i want to change it, but criticize as you wish.
rating : PG13.


i want you to reach for me
when the clock strikes an unbearable ,
innumerable amount .
i want you to kiss me
when the passion of life
overcomes you .
i want to be there for
anything you'll ever
need.

i want you to realize that
silence thickens ,
and drowns me .
i wish you could notice
my down-ridden
tendencies .
can't you tell that
your being
suffocates me?

i wanna be the kind of girl
you can see yourself
with.
i wanna be the perfect girl
that you want to take
everywhere.
i want to be that girl
that you're proud to
have on your arm.

could i?…
you try to tell me ,
but literally ,
your tongue feels severed .

[Panda]

It has very strong feeling to it. You love him, but you dont think that he would ever like you for just exactly who you are. Or perhaps he is just afraid to be with you due to his self image. There is a very strong story behind this, but one can only assume what exactly that story is. Bits and peices bleed through, leaving the larger picture mainly obscured. I like how you were very minimalistic in wording this poem, and truly letting it speak for itself as a whole, instead of any one part standing out and stealing away attention. It has a simialar flow to your other works, and while short, (not a good or bad thing) It is very well balanced. I often have trouble balancing poems of mine more than half that length. The ending sums up the poem quite well, and while I cant pretend to perfectly understand every thought behind it, it still feels quite powerful.